Something to Live For
by the-notsoevil-queeen
Summary: The Missing Year. Takes place after a scene in 3x13 between Robin and Regina in her palace bedroom. Robin can't accept that Regina only wants to live to kill the Wicked Witch, and their time in the Enchanted Forest together might just give the queen something else to live for. Mostly Outlaw Queen with moments of Snow Queen and Dimples Queen.
1. Chapter 1

_(A/N a big thank you to spiralnebulaM31 for reading this for me and for being so wonderfully encouraging.)_

"Wait, what?!"

Regina didn't need to turn around to know that the thief was giving her an incredulous look. With her back to him she rolled her eyes and busied herself with putting away the ingredients for her sleeping curse. Her mind raced with questions; who was this witch? Had Cora honestly had another daughter and never mentioned it? It was impossible, and even if by some miracle it was true, the witch should be grateful for getting away from Cora, escaping to Oz sounded like a dream come true. But the loudest question in her mind repeated constantly: how was she going to destroy this woman?

She was so lost in thought Regina didn't notice Robin's incessant babbling behind her.

"- I mean you can't be serious, you can't live your life just to end someone else's-"

"That," Regina interrupted, closing her box of ingredients, "is just more proof that you don't know me as well as you think you do." She turned to him, and her dark cold eyes locked onto his blue ones. She had expected to see judgement and loathing, the way everyone looked at the Evil Queen. But no, the way he looked at her was far from that, his eyes were full of understanding and – could it be, _caring_? No, of course not. No one cared for her. Not anymore.

"I spent the majority of my life living to destroy every person that got in my way." She spat venomously, "Why would now be any different?" She expected him to recoil from her words, but surprising her he stood his ground, his face softening more so than she thought possible. How could one man, an outlaw at that, offer so much emotion through his eyes?

"The Evil Queen may be able to live for destruction, but I know Regina can't," he said, risking a step closer to her. "I may not have known you long, but I have seen the truth in your heart as you risked your life to help our group, as you saved my son's life. You can throw it away as self destruction all you want but I can see that there is more love in your heart than you know what to do with."

Her eyes widened at his words, and for a moment she felt a flicker of rage inside her at his bluntness. But as she stared into his eyes, so blue and so full of hope, she felt as if she were deflating. All thoughts of her sister were gone, all feelings of anger and hatred replaced by curiosity and confusion. _Why was he doing this? Why was he saying these things?_ The way he looked at her made something in her chest contract, though it was different than the constant ache of missing Henry. This felt like a tug on her heart that released warmth into her cheeks, and she had to look away in hopes he wouldn't notice her blushing.

"Your arrogance is getting the best of you, don't fool yourself into believing you know me." Her voice was firm but held none of the bitter undertone it had before. She felt too light, her anger forgotten so much so that she felt she might float away. "Destroying that witch is _necessary_ if she plans on continuing her attacks. I don't plan on being grabbed by another flying monkey in my own castle."

"Speaking of the witch, what exactly happened? I assume you found her, or rather she found you. What came of your sleeping curse?"

"Your WHAT?!" A shrill voice came from the doorway, startling them both. As she looked across the room at her step-daughter and a few of the members of her army, Regina became suddenly aware of how close she and Robin were standing, a mere foot of space between them. _When did she get so close to him?_ She stepped back and cleared her throat, paying no attention to Snow and Charming's bewildered faces in her bedroom doorway.

"It's about time you showed up, the shield's only been down for ages." She turned away from the crowd and grabbed the box of ingredients sitting on her desk, moving to hide it in her closet before returning to her place at her vanity, occupying herself with tidying. Apparently the witch was not an organized person.

"I knew she'd be up to no good," one of the dwarves quipped, though Regina had no idea which one, "lead the queen right to her castle so that she can poison us all!"

"You were supposed to lower the shield and meet us in the courtyard so that we could take on the witch _together_ ," Charming stated, stepping in front of his wife. "Would you like to explain how a sleeping curse fits into that plan?"

"Get of your high horse, Charming," Regina snapped back, "I lowered the shield like I said I would. And the sleeping curse is gone, so tell your munchkins to relax."

"Did you think you could just solve the problem yourself?" Charming pushed her, "Put the witch to sleep before anyone else got here? Or did you return to your castle only to become the Evil Queen again?"

At that Regina froze in her tracks, and she felt a flicker of magic at her finger tips begging to be released. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Snow put her hand on Charming's arm to pull him back. As the room fell silent, waiting for her response, she looked up at herself in her vanity's mirror. In this realm, in this room, in these clothes, it was too much, and she couldn't work up enough venom in her voice to prove her point. So she turned her head slightly and said meekly, "Did it ever occur to you that I never stopped being the Evil Queen?"

The crowd didn't move, clearly shocked by Regina's lack of an outburst. Robin shifted uncomfortably beside Regina before he turned to the Charmings and said, "I hate to break up a tender family moment, but where is my son?"

"He's with Little John," Red responded quickly, "I can take you to him." Robin moved towards the young girl, not without looking back at Regina before he left the room, and the rest of the crowd followed suit. Regina finally turned away from her vanity, looking at Snow and Charming. She glanced around the room, not wanting to make eye contact. She was unsure whether or not she wanted to confess the truth behind her plan to sneak into the castle, and anger at being discovered bubbled inside her.

"Regina?" Snow asked hesitantly. The young woman looked like she was holding back her worst fears, which she probably was, but projecting all of her hope. Regina could only imagine what was running through the girl's head. Charming on the other hand looked anything but impressed. "Cut the crap Regina," he started, "why the hell do you need a sleeping -"

"IT WAS FOR ME, ALRIGHT?" Regina screamed. She felt the familiar flare in her chest and heat at her fingertips as she stared Charming into the ground. Both Snow and Charming expressed their surprise, and as realization hit her, Snow exhaled loudly and took a small step forward as a slightly audible "Regina…." fell from her mouth.

"I just - I can't…. I just couldn't live without him." Regina confessed, feeling her chest contracting and tears stinging her eyes. She let her body relax and inhaled deeply. She had gone that whole time without the pain, and as it crashed over her again she felt riddled with guilt. How could she have forgotten about Henry? "I thought it would be easier. That I could just wake up if he ever found me."

Snow quickly closed the distance between them and took Regina's hand. Regina jumped at the sudden contact and met Snow's eyes. "I can't tell you how glad I am that you didn't do it," the younger woman admitted after a moment, her eyes shining at Regina.

"What?" Regina replied, not hiding her confusion. Her mind quickly reeled through everything that she shared with this young woman, all of the pain felt between them, and did not believe what she had heard. By all means, it seemed fair for Regina to experience what she condemned her stepdaughter to all those years ago.

"After everything we've been through," Snow said, "after all the pain we've both suffered, I never wished for you to experience that. The sleeping curse, I mean." She too seemed lost in thought, remembering everything that led up to Regina's infamous poisoned apple. "It's terrible, as terrible as you told me it would be. Nothing but regrets and pain constantly. I wasn't even under the curse long; I can't imagine what it would be like if Henry never-" she cut herself off as Regina's grip on her hands tightened involuntarily. "If he took long to find you," she corrected.

Regina listened in awe. Of course she knew the curse was terrible, that was why she chose it. But it couldn't possibly be worse than the hell she was living through right now. "But why?" she asked, "I did everything I could to destroy you, how could you not want me to suffer as you did?"

Snow's expression softened, looking at her as if Regina should already know the answer. "Because you were already suffering. I may have wished for a lot of terrible things to happen to the Evil Queen, but not to you, Regina."

She barely had time to process what Snow had just said before Charming interrupted their moment, "Snow, the rest of our people should be arriving and someone should really be down there to help them." With a quick nod of understanding Snow squeezed Regina's hands, offered her a subtle smile, and left behind her husband, leaving Regina alone for the first time in weeks.

She stood in place for a few moments, still dazed from what Snow had said. That woman was so infuriatingly forgiving; how years of violence had made her so kind Regina would never know. She took in her room once more and, deciding to remove her travelling gear, made her way to her bed, trying to remember what exactly was out of place in the mess caused by her wicked sister. As she lowered herself onto the bed to remove her boots she noticed something most certainly not hers leaning against the side of her vanity.

A simple yet sturdy quiver half filled with arrows.

That damn thief.


	2. Chapter 2 - Somebody to Love

It had been the longest month Regina had ever experienced. Every day dragged into the next, and she found herself begging the sun to set whenever she had to endure yet _another_ council meeting for the umpteenth time. After the first few weeks in her castle, everyone had begun to find their own routine, helping Regina fall into a constant state of numbness as the days passed. She had grown to loathe a routine life during the 10 uninterrupted years she had spent with Henry, as she had become used to having something new to do every day with her little prince. Now, as she wallowed in self-pity, a hollow shell of the person she used to be, she couldn't help hating her days again. Hating the time she had to sit and think about Henry, and the time she was forced to spend thinking about how to defeat her wicked sister.

Last night had at least mixed things up a bit as she had her turn watching the grounds, which mostly involved walking in circles outside the perimeter of her protection spell all night. Those who shared her shift with her followed her: a couple of the dwarves, the thief, and Snow, who insisted on accompanying her through every shift she was given. They always gave her space, letting her walk a few feet in front of them as night turned into day.

She supposed in the end she had been grateful for their presence after one of those winged beasts leapt out of a bush and startled her, raking its claws across her torso before she could clear her thoughts enough to use her magic on it. She had cried out in agony as her skin was sliced open, and the _woosh_ of powerful wings knocked her to the ground. Unable to catch herself, she landed on her arm and felt a pop in her shoulder, causing her to howl in pain again. She rolled onto her back to look up at the monstrosity and barely noticed an arrow fly over her head and into the monkey's shoulder. It, too, cried out in pain and quickly turned to fly away, clutching the arrow still lodged in its body.

The rest of the night had been spent arguing with the small party of people around her, Doc telling her she had dislocated her shoulder and insisting on putting it back in place, Regina insisting that her magic would work just fine, Snow trying to get her to at least return to the castle, and the thief having the audacity to grab her arm and rotate it while Regina was rebutting. Pain shot out of her shoulder to her fingers and her head as she screamed in the thief's ear. Of course, he had simply smirked and replied with, "a simple thank you would suffice."

She woke in the late morning, groggy and sore. The curtains were still closed, leaving her bedchambers dark and cool. She dragged herself out of her soft nest of pillows and blankets, wincing as she moved her arm. Though she had used her magic to close the wounds across her ribs, beneath her skin would still take time to fully heal, and her shoulder still ached from that bastard fixing her arm.

She had been exhausted when she returned to her room and had barely enough sense to remove her clothes before collapsing in her bed, let alone to clean herself. Her body was caked with blood and dirt, and her hair was still half pinned up, filled with grass and twigs.

Wanting to clean herself but detesting the idea of leaving her room, she waved her hand and in a puff of purple smoke she created a full bath tub with plenty of bubbles in the middle of her room. She lowered herself into the steaming water and hissed as the heat washed over her freshly healed skin. Regina worked at detangling her hair, and once it was smoothed out she breathed a sigh and leaned back, resting her head on the back of the tub to let the water cover her up to her neck.

It must have been only a few short moments of peace before she heard a quick rasp at the door, making her yell out in frustration as the door opened.

"Regina I wanted to- Whoa!" Snow stopped herself, visibly uncomfortable by the scene in front of her.

"What?!" Regina barked, turning her head to look at Snow. Horror was clear on the woman's face as she averted her eyes, trying to find _anything_ else to look at.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have barged in I just wanted to see if you were alright," she spat out quickly, "I'll just- you seem busy I'll come back later."

"Oh for God's sakes, Snow, you can't see any more of me than you usually can, what do you want?"

Snow slowly moved her gaze to Regina's eyes, clearly fighting the urge to look away from her stepmother's hidden yet naked body as Regina lifted herself into a sitting position. The water sat just above her breasts now, and bubbles clung to her wet chest and shoulders.

"I was hoping you'd be getting ready for the ball tonight, not _bathing_ in your _bed_ room," Snow said, exasperated.

 _Ugh._ The ball. Snow had been insisting for the past month to hold a party, and she gave Regina suspicions that it was for her birthday. After flat out refusing multiple times, and having to issue a few threats, Snow finally settled on a _Valentine's Day Ball_ , which was almost as bad as a birthday ball. However, Regina couldn't stop a Valentine's party from happening, it had nothing to do with her after all.

"How many times must I tell you I'm not going to your stupid ball," Regina rolled her eyes and played with the water in her tub, "Besides, Valentine's Day doesn't exist in this realm."

"Well I think everyone could use a little love after the last month here," Snow quipped, "even you."

"Oh please," Regina muttered, "no one will even notice my absence." Her heart ached thinking of the holiday, and her mind raced with images of cut out hearts and pink frosting on Henry's nose. He had been her first and only Valentine after he learned about it in school. He was 6, and he had run to her office with a home made card, plastered with glitter and the words "I love you" written at least 20 times. From that day forward they had always spent Valentine's Day baking heart shaped sweets, curling up on the couch, and watching love themed movies until Henry crashed from his sugar high and fell asleep in her arms.

Snow sensed Regina's unhappiness, and unconsciously moved closer, but stopped herself before she saw more of Regina than she cared to. "You know Henry would want you to go."

"Henry doesn't even know me," she replied flatly, lowering herself into the tub again.

"Regina, I really think-"

Another burst through the door interrupted Snow, and Regina threw her hands up in exasperation, "Doesn't anyone respect privacy in this damn castle?!"

"My apologies, m'lady," came a deep voice from the doorway. "I was told Snow White was with you and-" Regina heard his breath hitch, and he coughed slightly while Snow quietly laughed to herself.

 _Oh no. Not him._

She turned her body to face them, slightly raising herself so the water splashed around her. Robin made no attempt to hide his wide wandering eyes, which were apparently glued to Regina's naked skin.

She felt her stomach flutter, _was she nervous?_ She certainly wasn't self-conscious of her body; she flaunted it in every outfit she owned. But for some reason, as his eyes raked her bare face and wet hair that clung to her shoulders she felt a desire to hold her arm across her breasts, and to shrink back into the cooling water. She fought her cowardly urges, _he's just a thief, and he's probably only seen bar wenches naked._

Finally Snow cleared her throat, and Robin subtly shook his body, looking over at the princess. Regina could read the embarrassment clear on his face at being caught gawking at the naked queen. His ears flared red as he spoke.

"I'm sorry to barge in like this, but I've been told that you were needed downstairs to help with organizing the decorations for tonight. It seems no one knows what to set up for a…. Val… something or other ball."

"Valentine's," Snow chuckled, as Robin pointedly stared at her, "Right, I'll follow you back down. And you," Snow turned to Regina, who was now draped against the side of her tub, sheer amusement plastered on her face, "Get dressed. I'll see you downstairs in an hour." She smiled coyly at Regina and turned to lead Robin, who hadn't moved since he said his piece, out of the room.

Really, what else did Regina have to do all day? Sit alone and dwell on her loneliness without Henry? She might as well sit alone at a ball. Everyone would leave her be, and it's not like she could dance anyway.

"Fine!" Regina yelled after them, "But I won't be happy about it!"

"You're never happy about anything!"

 **:::::**

All she could see was pink.

The entire ballroom was filled with pink strings of paper hearts, pink tablecloths, pink roses; even some of the guests were wearing pink.

Regina rolled her eyes as she picked at the plate of food that Snow had shoved into her hands. She focused on the heart shaped cookie covered in pink frosting that sat at the corner of the plate, and her stomach tightened. What was Henry doing today? Was he baking with Emma? Or did he have a real Valentine this year? He was certainly old enough, and Regina grimaced at the realization that she would never watch Henry fall in love.

Her whole body sagged, and she picked herself up from her seat to go and watch the dancing going on across the room. Music played loudly throughout the ballroom, some traditional to the Enchanted Forest and some from Storybrooke, thanks to Regina.

She stood alone on the side of the dance floor and unconsciously swayed to the music. She had always liked the music from their other land, and "Queen" had always been her favourite. _Somebody To Love_ echoed across the room, and Regina forgot to show her disinterest as she watched Snow and Charming spinning together, clinging to one another as they laughed and sang.

Her eyes wandered the crowd and landed on Robin, who was also spinning around the dance floor, his son laughing in his arms. A smile crept across her face as she watched him sway with the boy, and only looked away when they stopped dancing. She noticed Robin place Roland on the floor, kiss his cheek, and make his way to the tables of food, letting Roland run in a different direction.

She continued to watch the dancers, so lost in thought she almost didn't notice the tugging at the bottom of her dress. She looked down to see big dark eyes under a mess of curls, and warmth spread through her as she saw the smiling face beside her.

"My majesty," Roland said quietly, "will you dance with me?"

"Oh sweetheart," she looked around desperately as she tried to answer, "I'm afraid I don't know how to dance."

"That's okay!" Roland exclaimed, "I can teach you!" He grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the crowd of dancers, tugging on her sore arm and making her wince. They made their way to the center of the room, a hint of black in the sea of pink and white.

Roland took her hands and swung them back and forth, each movement making Regina pinch her eyes together in pain. Finally she couldn't take it, and simply picked up Roland, making him giggle, and landed him on her good hip. She swayed and spun the way she had seen Robin do, and Roland laughed, burying his face in her shoulder.

She looked over Roland's head and noticed Snow and Charming off the dance floor watching her, both smiling to themselves at the scene before them. She barely noticed Robin making his way to the Charmings as she spun Roland again.

Roland sat up quickly, tugging on her bad arm again as he hooked his hands around her neck, and looked her in the eyes. "Who's your Valentime, my majesty?"

"Valen _tine_ , dear, " she corrected softly, "And I'm afraid I don't have one."

"But," Roland looked down, examining the beads on her corset, "Papa says everyone has a Valen… _tine._ Someone who loves them."

Her throat tightened and tears stung the backs of her eyes. "I lost my Valentine, but it's okay. I'm sure he's happy today," she confessed, fighting the urge to cry onto the small boy's shoulder.

"I'll find you a Valentine!" Roland declared as he abruptly pushed himself out of her arms and slid to the floor, drawing a gasp from Regina as pain radiated through her torso.

She followed him slowly as he ran to the Charmings and Robin, who wore a disapproving scowl. "Roland! You have to be gentle with the queen, she was injured yesterday and you hurt her."

Roland's face fell as he turned to Regina, horror present in his eyes, "Did I hurt you, my majesty?"

Regina held back her grimace as she kneeled in front of him, "No dear, you didn't." His lip stuck out and his eyes brimmed with tears at the idea of hurting Regina, and she rubbed his arm to console him. "I'm just a little sore, but I'm okay."

She stood as she watched Roland nod solemnly and turn to his father, "Papa! The queen doesn't have a Valentine!"

Heat flared across her cheeks as Robin looked over at her, eyebrows raised. "Well we can't have that, can we?" He asked Roland, who was beaming up at his papa.

Regina looked to Snow for assistance, only to find a smirk from her and Charming. She pleaded with her eyes, only getting a simple, " _everyone_ needs a Valentine, Regina" from Snow.

Regina rolled her eyes in response, and turned to Robin to declare that _no, she didn't need a Valentine,_ when she felt lips crash onto hers, her surprise nearly knocking her over. She grabbed onto the arms in front of her and felt heat rise to her finger tips instinctively. Robin pushed himself away from her, tearing his lips from hers, and howled at the pain in his arm. She stood frozen, shock and _something else_ paralyzing her. She barely heard Snow's condescending _"Regina!"_ behind her.

"It's not like I meant to! What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?!"

"Well, to be fair," Robin looked up at Regina while clutching his arm, red lipstick smeared on his mouth, "I was aiming for your cheek. I don't think that earns me a scolding, _literally_."

He grimaced as he rolled up his sleeve to examine the damage, though it wasn't the bright red handprint across his forearm that grabbed Regina's attention. Right at the base of his wrist was a dark patch of ink, a lion tattoo.

She could swear she felt her heart stop and the world freeze around her. _No. It can't be._ Suddenly she felt very young again, a lonely girl standing outside of a tavern, watching a green light glow over _the man with the lion tattoo,_ yet too afraid of love to enter.

She started gasping for air, and everyone around her stared at her. All she could see was Robin, his light blue eyes that were locked onto hers, and the dark tattoo standing out on his wrist. She couldn't read the emotions playing across his face. Pain? Anger? Fear? She waved her hand in front of her, quickly healing his burns, before she quite literally _ran_ out of the room.

She sprinted down the corridors, barely aware of where she was running. Sounds of people talking and singing grew distant behind her, and she could hear Snow yelling after her. She lifted the front of her dress to help her move faster, her arm and ribs ached with every step but she kept moving. She had to get away. It didn't matter where she went. Words echoed in her head with each painful step.

 _You're running away from him_ _ **again?**_


End file.
